Frank walked in, sat down. Sue walked over, said hey Frank. Hey Sue. Whaddya havin'? Lemme get a coffee, two eggs, three bacon, two turkey sausage links, two pieces of whole wheat toast, half a grapefruit, a short stack of chocolate chip pancakes, small orange juice, hash browns, home fries, a regular sausage patty, half a turkey club, a full reuben, a pastrami on rye, a bowl of tomato soup, a cup of italian wedding soup, fries, waffle fries, curly fries, disco fries, pizza fries, taco fries,...
7 days ago • 1 min read
"Yeah, no no, I've been holding, I've been holding for an hour already—fine. Fine," David was used to this. The customer service maze as soon as they realized who he was. David Glinecki. Special customer number 3217. Lifetime supply winner from the 1992 game show "Hold the Duck!" He came in second place, first place was a trip to Aruba, valued at $5,500. David had turned his lifetime supply of gum into over $750,000 so far. Contract stipulated the new-at-the-time "Berry Boatful" flavor....
14 days ago • 2 min read
A man approaches you, grabs you by the arm, you feel paralyzed, can't move, he puts his hand out, a small revolver, holds it towards you, waits, waits, you grab it reluctantly, the weight drags you down by the hand, he takes out a photograph of an old man, says in twenty minutes he'll walk out of that building, he points at the building, says you take care of him or we'll take care of your kid, your eyes grow, you start saying what the fuck who are you what the, he reaches into his coat...
21 days ago • 1 min read
let's get taco bell just tonight just cuz today was tough just cuz it's late now just cuz i'm too tired to cook just cuz just cuz just cus i can run tomorrow tomorrow i can run tomorrow big run gonna run so far gonna have a great day gonna wake up early gonna run to another country gonna run until my legs rip off gonna start tomorrow tomorrow but now what do you want? yes i'm getting a baja too what did i get last week? oh right soft potato taco soft potato taco soft potato taco they have...
about 2 months ago • 1 min read
The television floats just above the entertainment stand, hovering perfectly without any waver or wobble. The soft blue glow aloft in the air, illuminating the room. Hitting Derek in his stupid fucking face, asleep on the couch again. Can you believe this? This fucking guy. Some fucking old guy is on the tele. Dark grey hair, stupid salt and pepper mustache. A chyron on the screen reads "Douglas Hochmann - Borneo CTO" He talks: And that's what a lot of folks don't understand. It's not a...
2 months ago • 1 min read
Grounded 2025/06/21 "Give it another go," the attendant half-shouted. Larry nodded, pushed the launch button. Nothing. "Still nothin'," Larry said, his head slightly leaned out the window. "Alright turn 'er off and let me take a look," the attendant said as he grabbed a flashlight from his tool belt and clicked it on. Larry clicked the power button and his vehicle turned off. The attendant entered the steps next to the bay Larry's car was in, descended down and looked at the underside of the...
2 months ago • 3 min read
Ray clicked the button inside his garage, the motor hanging from the ceiling turned on, whined. The metal door slowly climbed up the track and opened. "Rain comin'," Ray said to himself as he shuffled a few steps in his driveway. "It's good, we need the rain," he said to no one. A chubby man in a blue t-shirt, khaki cargo-shorts, and white shoes walked down the street. He looked over and saw Ray. "Hey, Ray," the man said, stopping his stride. "Oh hey, Tom," Ray said. "Feels like rain's...
3 months ago • 1 min read
Paul pulled hard once, abruptly. The lawnmower didn't start. He pulled it again, not as hard, not as abrupt. Nothing. He pulled that shit twice in a row, and then a third pull failed halfway through. He let go of the small handle, walked away to take a few breaths. "Come on you fuckin'," he said to the lawnmower, his hands on his hips as he walked small circles in the yard. He primed that shit five, six, seven, lost count times. Pew pew pew pew pew pew. He pulled the cord as hard as he could,...
3 months ago • 1 min read
"Did you turn on the West Sector floods?" Daniel remained squatted, but stopped connecting the wires he was working on momentarily. His eyes widened as the realization that he hadn't turned on the flood lights—hadn't heard that loud "KACHOONG" noise when you flip over that comically oversized switch—hadn't turned on the West Sector flood lights as he was wrapping everything up down at that part of camp. This, obviously, was a very bad thing. Certain death awaited Daniel, undoubtedly. This...
3 months ago • 1 min read
