Time Trial


Sam looked over at Todd; drumming his fingers softly against his keyboard as he scrolled through a long body of text on his laptop. Sam was infuriated at Todd for no real reason, just for existing, but tried not to let it show.

"What 'chu reading now?" Sam asked, his voice overly monotone as he hyper-focused on trying to sound natural.

"Ah, some guy on Reddit thinks that ultra runners should celebrate winning a race by drinking a beer out of one of their shoes that they ran the race in," Todd replied without looking away from his computer screen.

"Haha, what?" Sam asked, his voice pitching upward, showing genuine bewilderment.

"A lotta people are mad about it, there's like a comment war happening in the sub," Todd replied, still looking at his screen.

"Okay, sure. But like, why does it matter?" Sam asked.

"It's funny to me that so many people care about this," Todd replied, finally looking over at Sam.

"Right, but like why do you care?"

"I don't."

"You don't."

"I don't."

"But you're reading it. It's like a really long thing."

"Yeah, it's funny."

"So you do care, you just care that it's funny to you."

"I care that the thing I'm choosing to waste this amount of time on at least gives me some amusement, yeah. I don't care about the racer who inspired the post, or the guy who wrote the post, or the people arguing with that guy, or the people defending that guy, or anyone else involved with the entire interaction."

"But you—"

"I don't care. My life is dwindling. I can't stop that. I can't stop god's stopwatch on me. And while it feels long on days like today, I know that it's a cosmic blink of an eye, hell, it's even shorter than that, but what am I going to do? I'm living on a human timeline, my time is short but I still feel the need to pass it with mindless chatter; to kill this precious speck of time that I do have, that I'm made of. It's this amazing paradox of existence that I know my time is supremely limited and yet I dawdle my days away as if there was no end to my heartbeats."

Sam opened his mouth, but then his eyebrows raised a little and he let his mouth hang open, unspeaking. He moved a little in his seat, closed his mouth, and then moved his eyes to his own laptop. On the screen was a paused YouTube video titled "Best Sports Fails | Dumbest Athletes of the Decade."

"Enjoy your video," Todd said looking only at his own screen again.


Please consider making a contribution to my Patreon if you enjoy these weird stories and are able to support them financially. No Happy Nonsense is 100% ad free and your donation helps keep it that way.

No Happy Nonsense

Subscribe for weird, surreal and uneasy fiction every week.

Read more from No Happy Nonsense
hands searching

You live in the Death Pit. You always have. The walls are tall. The top is open. You know this because rain floods the pit. Most can't swim. You can't see any light above. You live against the wall. You tried to walk the entire inner circumference. Weren't able to. No one has ever made it. The people above throw things. Rocks, rotten food, fire. You live in fear of the above. The elders say they aren't the first elders. They don't know why any of you are in the pit. The people above never...

drunk

Johnny stumbled, tripped off the curb into the street. He was considerably drunk; a fifth of Jameson at the last place, God knows before that. The box was still in the middle off the road, still glowing. The air around it smelled like burnt caramel, burning hair. Johnny's shoes got goopy as he staggered each step closer. He was chuckling to himself, remembering what he had just seen. The box glowed brighter as Johnny approached. Johnny bent down, tried to swat at the box but missed and lost...

improvements

I've decided to make massive changes and improvements to my life! But, I don't know what those improvements should be! What should I do? Oh, I know! I'll start eating better! But then what? What should I do? Oh, I know! I'll start running more! But then what? What should I do? Oh, I know! I'll stop watching TV! But then what? What should I do? Oh, I know! I'll stop using social media! But then what? What should I do? Oh, I know! I'll start meditating again! But then what? What should I do?...