"Did you turn on the West Sector floods?" Daniel remained squatted, but stopped connecting the wires he was working on momentarily. His eyes widened as the realization that he hadn't turned on the flood lights—hadn't heard that loud "KACHOONG" noise when you flip over that comically oversized switch—hadn't turned on the West Sector flood lights as he was wrapping everything up down at that part of camp. This, obviously, was a very bad thing. Certain death awaited Daniel, undoubtedly. This wasn't like that time with the wheelbarrow, no no. This was far worse. It takes ten minutes—at full sprint—to make it from Under Home to the West Sector. During the day. Emma just went down half an hour ago. It's past nine o'clock, so Night Rules apply. That means all three of them, Daniel, Margot and Emma would have to go out to West Sector together. To flip a switch. I mean, do you know how hard it is to get Emma to actually go down? In that moment, holding two giant braided cords in either hand, Daniel had a thousand different thoughts pass through his mind all in unison, like a rapid-fire hit parade of the worst outcomes awaiting him. Finally— "Yeah, I turned 'em on," Daniel said as he looked over to Margot with a slight smile. "Great, you're the best," she returned. It would be the most costly lie he ever told. Please consider making a contribution to my Patreon if you enjoy these weird stories and are able to support them financially. No Happy Nonsense is 100% ad free and your donation helps keep it that way. |
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Sam looked over at Todd; drumming his fingers softly against his keyboard as he scrolled through a long body of text on his laptop. Sam was infuriated at Todd for no real reason, just for existing, but tried not to let it show. "What 'chu reading now?" Sam asked, his voice overly monotone as he hyper-focused on trying to sound natural. "Ah, some guy on Reddit thinks that ultra runners should celebrate winning a race by drinking a beer out of one of their shoes that they ran the race in," Todd...
Frank walked in, sat down. Sue walked over, said hey Frank. Hey Sue. Whaddya havin'? Lemme get a coffee, two eggs, three bacon, two turkey sausage links, two pieces of whole wheat toast, half a grapefruit, a short stack of chocolate chip pancakes, small orange juice, hash browns, home fries, a regular sausage patty, half a turkey club, a full reuben, a pastrami on rye, a bowl of tomato soup, a cup of italian wedding soup, fries, waffle fries, curly fries, disco fries, pizza fries, taco fries,...
"Yeah, no no, I've been holding, I've been holding for an hour already—fine. Fine," David was used to this. The customer service maze as soon as they realized who he was. David Glinecki. Special customer number 3217. Lifetime supply winner from the 1992 game show "Hold the Duck!" He came in second place, first place was a trip to Aruba, valued at $5,500. David had turned his lifetime supply of gum into over $750,000 so far. Contract stipulated the new-at-the-time "Berry Boatful" flavor....