The television floats just above the entertainment stand, hovering perfectly without any waver or wobble. The soft blue glow aloft in the air, illuminating the room. Hitting Derek in his stupid fucking face, asleep on the couch again. Can you believe this? This fucking guy. Some fucking old guy is on the tele. Dark grey hair, stupid salt and pepper mustache. A chyron on the screen reads "Douglas Hochmann - Borneo CTO" He talks: And that's what a lot of folks don't understand. It's not a straight timeline. Two day shipping was fast. Then one day shipping. Then same day. Then three hour guarantee. Then one hour. The interviewer: So getting it to zero, and then beyond zero. The old fuck: Right, right...you think 'oh well, to get pre-shipping, it must be logical to ship something right before you need it; only a few hours at best of pre-delivery.' Interviewer: And then as you get better, develop the technology more...maybe one day in advance? Then two days?" Fuckin' oldie: Yes, slowly progress the tech...but it turns out pre-shipment is too hard to manage with only a three-hour window. Or, even, a six-hour window, even. Interviewer: So it was actually easier to ship it out earlier? Old: Right, we said, well, I said, 'let's do a week,' and the conference room kind of went silent. But I had the data to show that it only consumed ten or fifteen percent more energy, but we'd be able to sell five or six hundred percent more product. Derek, asleep on the couch like a fucking idiot, stirs a little, shuffles around to find comfort. A Borneo e-Hov-Biker drops down from the skies a few feet away from Derek's apartment door. He clicks a button on the side of his helmet, the AR display shows "HXR-22TRV" in front of his face. The driver hops to the cargo pod in the back, enters in the code and the pod door opens, a single package sitting in the chamber. He grabs it, points his index finger at it and a loud beep is heard, registering that it was scanned. He tosses the package in front of Derek's door, and takes off to the skies. The package sits on the stoop of Derek's apartment, waiting. Please consider making a contribution to my Patreon if you enjoy these weird stories and are able to support them financially. No Happy Nonsense is 100% ad free and your donation helps keep it that way. |
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Grounded 2025/06/21 "Give it another go," the attendant half-shouted. Larry nodded, pushed the launch button. Nothing. "Still nothin'," Larry said, his head slightly leaned out the window. "Alright turn 'er off and let me take a look," the attendant said as he grabbed a flashlight from his tool belt and clicked it on. Larry clicked the power button and his vehicle turned off. The attendant entered the steps next to the bay Larry's car was in, descended down and looked at the underside of the...
Ray clicked the button inside his garage, the motor hanging from the ceiling turned on, whined. The metal door slowly climbed up the track and opened. "Rain comin'," Ray said to himself as he shuffled a few steps in his driveway. "It's good, we need the rain," he said to no one. A chubby man in a blue t-shirt, khaki cargo-shorts, and white shoes walked down the street. He looked over and saw Ray. "Hey, Ray," the man said, stopping his stride. "Oh hey, Tom," Ray said. "Feels like rain's...
Paul pulled hard once, abruptly. The lawnmower didn't start. He pulled it again, not as hard, not as abrupt. Nothing. He pulled that shit twice in a row, and then a third pull failed halfway through. He let go of the small handle, walked away to take a few breaths. "Come on you fuckin'," he said to the lawnmower, his hands on his hips as he walked small circles in the yard. He primed that shit five, six, seven, lost count times. Pew pew pew pew pew pew. He pulled the cord as hard as he could,...