Your Package Has Been Delivered
The television floats just above the entertainment stand, hovering perfectly without any waver or wobble. The soft blue glow aloft in the air, illuminating the room. Hitting Derek in his stupid fucking face, asleep on the couch again. Can you believe this? This fucking guy. Some fucking old guy is on the tele. Dark grey hair, stupid salt and pepper mustache. A chyron on the screen reads "Douglas Hochmann - Borneo CTO" He talks: And that's what a lot of folks don't understand. It's not a straight timeline. Two day shipping was fast. Then one day shipping. Then same day. Then three hour guarantee. Then one hour. The interviewer: So getting it to zero, and then beyond zero. The old fuck: Right, right...you think 'oh well, to get pre-shipping, it must be logical to ship something right before you need it; only a few hours at best of pre-delivery.' Interviewer: And then as you get better, develop the technology more...maybe one day in advance? Then two days?" Fuckin' oldie: Yes, slowly progress the tech...but it turns out pre-shipment is too hard to manage with only a three-hour window. Or, even, a six-hour window, even. Interviewer: So it was actually easier to ship it out earlier? Old: Right, we said, well, I said, 'let's do a week,' and the conference room kind of went silent. But I had the data to show that it only consumed ten or fifteen percent more energy, but we'd be able to sell five or six hundred percent more product. Derek, asleep on the couch like a fucking idiot, stirs a little, shuffles around to find comfort. A Borneo e-Hov-Biker drops down from the skies a few feet away from Derek's apartment door. He clicks a button on the side of his helmet, the AR display shows "HXR-22TRV" in front of his face. The driver hops to the cargo pod in the back, enters in the code and the pod door opens, a single package sitting in the chamber. He grabs it, points his index finger at it and a loud beep is heard, registering that it was scanned. He tosses the package in front of Derek's door, and takes off to the skies. The package sits on the stoop of Derek's apartment, waiting. Please consider making a contribution to my Patreon if you enjoy these weird stories and are able to support them financially. No Happy Nonsense is 100% ad free and your donation helps keep it that way. |
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