Frank walked in, sat down. Sue walked over, said hey Frank. Hey Sue. Whaddya havin'? Lemme get a coffee, two eggs, three bacon, two turkey sausage links, two pieces of whole wheat toast, half a grapefruit, a short stack of chocolate chip pancakes, small orange juice, hash browns, home fries, a regular sausage patty, half a turkey club, a full reuben, a pastrami on rye, a bowl of tomato soup, a cup of italian wedding soup, fries, waffle fries, curly fries, disco fries, pizza fries, taco fries, an order of fish and chips, a western omelet, a chicken burrito, a hamburger, a cheeseburger, two slices of pepperoni, a stromboli, a calzone, you guys got uhh, what are they called, uhh, sour patch kids? I'll take a family size bag of those, a corn soufflé, a couple a' tamales, a big chicken pot pie, a small shepherd's pie, a spinach quesadilla, a falafel platter with hummus, two cokes, a mountain dew, five or six chicken fingers, a cheese steak, sausage and peppers, a chicken parm sandwich, and a black and white milkshake. Peg looked up from her notepad, we're out of coffee. Frank stood up, said forget about it then. Please consider making a contribution to my Patreon if you enjoy these weird stories and are able to support them financially. No Happy Nonsense is 100% ad free and your donation helps keep it that way. |
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Sam looked over at Todd; drumming his fingers softly against his keyboard as he scrolled through a long body of text on his laptop. Sam was infuriated at Todd for no real reason, just for existing, but tried not to let it show. "What 'chu reading now?" Sam asked, his voice overly monotone as he hyper-focused on trying to sound natural. "Ah, some guy on Reddit thinks that ultra runners should celebrate winning a race by drinking a beer out of one of their shoes that they ran the race in," Todd...
"Yeah, no no, I've been holding, I've been holding for an hour already—fine. Fine," David was used to this. The customer service maze as soon as they realized who he was. David Glinecki. Special customer number 3217. Lifetime supply winner from the 1992 game show "Hold the Duck!" He came in second place, first place was a trip to Aruba, valued at $5,500. David had turned his lifetime supply of gum into over $750,000 so far. Contract stipulated the new-at-the-time "Berry Boatful" flavor....
A man approaches you, grabs you by the arm, you feel paralyzed, can't move, he puts his hand out, a small revolver, holds it towards you, waits, waits, you grab it reluctantly, the weight drags you down by the hand, he takes out a photograph of an old man, says in twenty minutes he'll walk out of that building, he points at the building, says you take care of him or we'll take care of your kid, your eyes grow, you start saying what the fuck who are you what the, he reaches into his coat...